I'm not saying anything most of you don't already know, but the truth of the matter is Mom Does Not Enjoy The Controversy.
To say that she would prefer to hide her head in the sand rather than confront someone would in most cases hold true. And that's just kind of strange, you know, since she seems to have some kind of weird obsession with keeping her hair really clean. Go figure.
I'm different though. I'm tough. A confrontational professional, so to speak.
Just a few days ago Mom and I went for a little walk around the neighborhood. Although I'm a farm dog at heart and love the open spaces and running free, I am certainly not opposed to a nice little jaunt on the leash since it allows me to monitor the surrounding streets and all the comingsandgoings of the local canine crowd, but also because BY JIGGEDY, THE LEASH THING, IT'S A LAW.
Well, Mom and I were just having a big time on our walk, and I was especially getting a kick out of WEARING ON her very last nerve by 'needing' to stop every three or four feet to either smell something or relieve myself, when we happened upon a rather ginormous dog (Newton) and his owner (Newton's Mom).
I ask you, Who names a dog Newton? I'm surprised he wasn't at home working a crossword puzzle.
Now Newton's Mom had Newton's spiffy green plaid (excuse me but, gag!) leash in her hand, but Newton's leash was not attached to Newton's collar because apparently Newton and his Mom felt that they were somehow ABOVE THE LAW OF RESIDENTIAL DOG-WALKING.
And in his cockiness, Newton took it upon himself to sashay right on over my way and SNARL like some kind of wild beast which I understandably found to be right unfriendly. The only logical thing for me to do was to QUITE LITERALLY TAKE HIM DOWN.
Teach him a Weegie Lesson in Civility, if you will.
Newton needed to learn.
Had not Newton's Mom been pretty quick on her feet and had she taken much longer to snap that leash onto Mr. 'No Leash' Newton and pull him to safety, I'll just tell you right now that WE DO NOT KNOW what kind of carnage might have ensued.
We shall never know.
What we do know is that Mom, I kid you not, almost passed out RIGHT THERE.
She's not one to regularly enjoy the carnage-viewing.
I hope all of you have learned a critical lesson from this potentially tragic tale.
I know Newton has.
Fear the Weege.
Peace Out and Yo on 2011.