Montage Monday

Mercy Me! 

Where have I been?

And although absolutely no one

has even asked,

I like to imagine (in the nicest way, of course)

that you have all been suffering

from horrible, horrible withdrawal pains

because it's been so long since I posted anything.


I'm just considerate like that.




I'm a mess.



I just haven't been able to

organize my thoughts

at all

in the last few weeks.

(Yes, I hear The Chief snickering)

So I've decided some therapy is in order.

Monday Montage Therapy,

wherein

I simply purge my mind

of all of the jumble of thoughts

swimming around in there,

and start,

So to Speak,

with a clean slate.

(I know, more snickering.)


And I should probably warn you,

this might not be

pretty...

or

appetizing.

So, if you don't feel able to keep up...

You just might want to forget you ever

happened upon

me

or this blog,

and just go get yourself

a Twinkie

or something.

Here goes:


1)  I went on my regular walk/jog this morning.  It's about 4  miles, and I've been so proud of myself because I have, over time, worked my way up to jogging almost half of it in short spurts.  Today, try as I might, I couldn't for the life of me even BEGIN to jog.  My legs were so heavy I could barely get them to walk much less run.  I was sweating buckets.  I was gasping for air.  I got home, collapsed onto the tile, got a good look at how much dog hair is on the floor, and promptly lost conciousness.

I came to a few minutes later with Weegie's buttocks on my chest, his nose in my face, saying,
"Look Mom, I know you have chicken in the fridge.  I saw you put it in there.  Get up, get over yourself, and get me some."

So I did.

2)  It's quite possible that there might be a connection between my complete inability to run this morning and the fact that I attended the annual Sims Family Reunion on Friday and the Lost Prairie Cemetery Memorial on Saturday.  At these events it is traditional to fill  overload your plate with some of the best food around and joke with your cousins that "Well, it's only once a year... we can splurge once a year."  When, all the while, you, your cousins, and everyone else on the planet knows that you actually eat that much on a fairly  regular basis.

Like I said,  not pretty.



3)  I quit my job.  YIKES!

Not quit in a bad way , but quit in a decided to resign way.

I felt like it was time to make more time to visit my parents, and to maybe explore doing something different.

So,

If you'd like to hire me


I'm available.



Here are some possibilities, but feel free to come up with your own.



1)  I could cook for you - be your personal chef!

2) I could tutor you on the use of complicated farm equipment.

3)  I could teach your dog to carry on long conversations like Weegie can.

(Cruelly, The Chief still insists that these conversations occur "only in my mind")

but I really think I could be successful with your dog.

Really I do.



Just imagine. 

The possibilities are endless.


I can have my resume out to you in no time...